“You fill me/With your love/You fill me/With your caring/You fill me with your thoughts/You fill me with your sharing”
Have you ever wanted to write poetry but the cold stare of the blank page leaves you quaking in your boots? Maybe your images are boring, your alliteration predictable, and your rhymes childish–it may seem as if you will never write something worth reading. Well, today that tricky poem could be just right. August 18th is, you guessed it, Bad Poetry Day! The day when all bad poetry is good poetry. Er, or at least appropriate for the occasion.
The impetus for this surprising holiday is a mystery. But who needs a reason for a holiday anyway? Make this one your own. There will be “bad” poetry readings at bookstores and libraries across the country, and hilarious contests for worst poem possible. You could host your own party, incorporate it into the classroom, or send a loved one a homemade card complete with a terrible love poem–the list is only as long and wide as the limits of your creativity.
The question we must ask ourselves though is, what makes a bad poem? “Bad” means something different for different people. In an effort to get to the bottom of what a bad poem looks like, we scoured the internet for the obvious first source–celebrities! Who better to analyze than the rich and the famous who choose to dabble in the most exalted of the literary arts? Feel free to use these examples to set the barometer for your own attempts at poetic catastrophe. No one should expect any less of you:
- Suzanne Somers:
First stanza from “Organic Girl” from “Touch Me: The Poems of Suzanne Somers”:
“Organic girl dropped by last night
For nothing in particular
Except to tell me again how beautiful and serene she feels
On uncooked vegetables and wheat germ fortified by bean
Mixed with yeast and egg whites on really big days—
She not only meditates regularly, but looks at me
like I should
And lectures me about meat and ice cream
And other aggressive foods I shouldn’t eat.
And she well may be intuitive
Because several times I have thought about cramming her
Unadulterated peace beads down her throat.”
- Kristin Stewart:
Excerpt from “My Heart is a Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole”:
“I reared digital moonlight
You read its clock, scrawled neon across that black
Kismetly…ubiquitously crest fallen
Thrown down to strafe your foothills
…I’ll suck the bones pretty.
Your nature perforated the abrasive organ pumps
Spray painted everything known to man
Stream rushed through and all out into
Something Whilst the crackling stare down sun snuck
Through our windows boarded up
He hit your flint face and it sparked.”
- Charlie Sheen:
Excerpt from the title poem from his collection “A Peace of My Mind”:
“Teacher, teacher, I don’t understand
You tell me it’s like the back of my hand
Should I play guitar and join the band?
Or head to the beach and walk in the sand?”
- Britney Spears:
Excerpt from “Remembrance of Who I Am”:
“…The guilt you fed me
Made me weak
The voodoo you did
I couldn’t speak
The phone is ringing.
Resurrection of my soul
The fear I’m bringing.”
If you find you still have a taste for some more bad poetry check out the chuckle-inducing blog “Bad Poem a Day: Another Day, Another Terrible Brain-Melting Poem.” The daily masterpieces are sure to brighten up anyone’s Monday morning.